unlike Early stage they themselves, Jimmy Kimmel For the first time since 2019, today is not back on stage in New York. Covid tests positive againLate night host had to change plans and actually appeared to take flamethrowers on some disneyof executives, streaming dreams and products old and new.
ABC Early 2022: Full coverage of Deadline
Although not in person at the final Pier 36 Basketball City Introducing CEO Bob Chapek Full of bells and whistles by House of Mouse brass and top talent, the fickle Kimmel is still in good and fiery shape after two years of virtual baking caused by the pandemic. “We’re not talking nonsense, we’re telling stories,” he declared after flipping through Disney’s “Smug Bastards” Netflix and all their mutual adversaries. “Remember that, this company owns everything. We have Mickey Mouse, we have Spider-Man, we have the Muppets, The Simpsons, the Kardashians, Encanto. We have it all! “
“We have enough power to build a Death Star – that’s another thing we have!”
Even by his own admittedly high standards, this year’s roughly 15-minute routine has benefited everyone, and everyone has been affected, probably more than ever – and a slap or two if you know what I mean .
Here are some of the best zooms from Kimmel’s afternoon:
Bob Chapek
The Disney CEO never said it before, and now we know why.Bob, when I said, “We can’t wait to see you GI Jane 2. “
disney
Disney has been so committed to inclusivity and cultural sensitivity since…everyone started mad at us. But what do you expect? We are 100. The company is a hundred years old. It’s our 100th anniversary and we’ll be celebrating this milestone like Disney – squeeze the living shit out! “100 Year Miracle”.Isn’t this the show? Fred Savage fired last week?
Bachelor Franchise
A lot of people have been asking how we will keep Bachelor Franchising is fresh – the answer is simple: we are not. We will continue to do the same until everyone has herpes.
fox
How about those bastards? fox yesterday? Two years after telling everyone that Covid is a hoax, they trick you into taking an Uber to watch the video! Can they do it? More importantly, why don’t we do it?
Netflix
Every year I say, “Fuck Netflix.” This year it came true.I have to admit, after watching smug bastards kill our lives for years, it feels really good to see them Bend over to sell ads.
NBC
The only thing sadder than the ending this is us Yes Winter Olympics ratings. NBC paid nearly $8 billion — the lowest-rated Olympics ever. Surprisingly, viewers didn’t think watching skiers jump in the shadow of an abandoned nuclear power plant was a feel-good story this year.
they are restarting quantum leap and night court. that is not Fall Schedule. These are the tapes you found in your dead uncle’s VCR.
ABC
We don’t have the Olympics, young shelton Or about 14 shows in Chicago – but you know what we have? Nathan fuck Fillion.
blue blood
Fox didn’t even bother to release a fall schedule yesterday. It doesn’t make any sense. Why have an advance payment? For example, what if CBS decides not to release the fall schedule?How do we know if there is no fall schedule blue blood Is it still on air? Yes, thank God.CBS renews blue blood – aka Magnum Pee often – 18 more seasons. and all their other old shows for seniors.
Internet TV and Streaming
Let’s be honest: our days are numbered. Of course, streamers are crushing us. Five years after they invented email, we are a fax machine. What we see on TV now is what a horse feels like when he sees a Model T for the first time. Do you know what ABC’s big plan is to win back its audience? Invite Will Smith to next year’s Oscars – and make him go crazy about whoever he wants. What else can we do? There are so many good things to compete with Disney Plus, Hulu Plus, Paramount Plus, Discovery Plus, Apple TV Plus – it’s a Plusterf*ck.
